This was basically me on the bus yesterday. The woman sitting next to me was very nosey, but once she managed to read what I was writing she, uh, well she stopped trying to read it. Every ten minutes or so she turned and just stared at me though. I tried to be polite, and so I smiled at her whenever she did that… it was all very awkward until she got off the bus.
when you’re trying to write fanfiction while riding public transportation and the person sitting next to you is reading over your shoulder and you think about writing smaller and more illegibly but instead you start to write larger instead and it says HE TOUCHED HIMSELF THROUGH HIS JEANS, DICK…
When writing anything on the bus or the tube—anything—I often deliberately troll anyone looking over my shoulder. In the past, I’ve confused/terrified a group of teenagers sat opposite me on the train by writing an email, in a very large point size, about how I had
observed dark pustules on the subject’s penis, surrounded by a cutaneous hardening and dryness resulting in flakes of skin frequently detaching, some the size of postage stamps. Some lesions were beginning to form in the subject’s pubic region and have shown evidence of a thick, yellow discharge
Failing that I use passages from Fifty Shades of Grey that are posted here. Personally speaking, I’ve had a penis for nigh on twenty years and I’ve never considered it to be a “me-flavoured popsicle.”